Gangsta AZNs

I've always been confused by the fake-me-out gangster asian, or AZN, as they like to be called. The most pressing question, in my eyes, is where did the pressure come from to act like this? In my experience, asians pretty much grow up with other asians. Yeah, you have the occasional non-asian thrown in the mix. And then the random half and half kids. But really, there's no real pressure to act like a thug. As far as I can see it, this pressure is self-imposed. I can just imagine it:

There's an Asian kid sitting at home at his desk, which is strewn with books on advanced calculus and theoretical physics. He's wearing a too-small polo shirt, high waters, and has a pocket protector while staring at his latest test. "DAMMIT! I got another A on an exam! My street cred is going down the toilet! I gotta do something." An hour later, he's got an oversized throwback jersey on with a matching cap, giant jeans, and some fake blinged necklace. "Yo, homeslice! What's good?!"

What the fuck? And you know that this kid went around trying to intimidate people (i.e. other stupid Asian boys), which caused them to act in the same manner. It's the pyramid scheme from hell. I'm not talking about any sort of urban style. I'm completely down the the urban-ism. It's the downright fake ghetto-ness of these people. Don't be ashamed of your parents' success. Take advantage of that; that's what they're there for.

Stop acting like something you aren't. You have a 4 story house, and your parents are doctors. You do not have street cred to begin with. You have no viable means of creating street cred or anything of that nature. Cut that shit out. (Before I cut you.)

Sidenote: I rate that kid as an asshole.

Super Random Tuesday #5

The Bane of Our Nation

Cowlicks are a problem. All over the country, cows are licking our children! This must be stopped. Who knows what sort of creatures live in their mouths, which are then transfered to our youth. This is unacceptable. Please, write to your congressmen, your govorners, anyone who can change this disturbing trend. The future of our children depends on it.

Really though, just get a better haircut. Handle that.

Let's not and say we did.

No Touching Allowed

"Let's touch base."

I hate this phrase. Why do you want to touch base with me? This is not appropriate work conversation. We just work together, we're not friends, why would I let you touch my base? It's really much too forward. I have friends that I've known for years, and they've never even seen my base, much less touched it. All these people at work keep asking to touch it. It's gross. Can't you at least try to get to know me a little bit first? Like, "Hey, how are ya? Wanna get some lunch? Wanna touch base later?" Of course, I'd say no, but at least there's an effort made.

Please stop asking to touch my base, it freaks me out.

Super Random Tuesday #4

While going through mailing lists/member lists at work the other day, I came across the name "Carmen SanDiego." Aside from the fact that this is an unfortunate name, this was one of my favorite shows as a kid, not the random cartoons, but the gameshow, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?. It was this that instilled in me a love for yelling at stupid gameshow contestants:

ME (age 11): South Africa is at the southern point of Africa, you IDIOT! WHY ARE YOU WANDERING AROUND EGYPT?!?! THERE'S A REASON IT'S CALLED SOUTH AFRICA!!!! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!?! ARRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!

At this point, I would start screaming incoherently, sometimes I was even able to reach a point where only dogs could hear me. It's a wonder I never burst a blood vessel. It was during this time that I first found the need to call someone a cocksucker. In retrospect, that's quite inappropriate, as all the contestants were children and should not be anywhere near a cock, but that's a totally different topic.

I think this is a good time to point out that I had the highest scores in my eighth grade geography classes in which the tests consisted of blank maps and we had to name each country. I would have owned those stupid children that couldn't find Ghana to save their lives. After I owned them they would have been sold, as their stupidity would undoubtedly annoy the crap out of me sooner or later (most likely sooner). I seem to have stumbled on to a very sensitive subject, what with the buying and selling of children, so let's just end this here on a good note:

Do it Rockapella!

On the Way Out

The quantity of my entries may take a downward turn as I have obtained a new job. Yes, the days of making sure the copier/printer is warm are over. That is, unless they lied to me at the new job, but we'll find out about that soon enough. Thursday will be my last day here in this particular circle of hell. I'm exaggerating of course, it's not so much a circle as a sector of a circle. There are plenty of nice people that I get along with. The problem is that one director who I keep bitching about and the actual work involved. I've never been at such a loss for mental stimulation (resulting in this blog). I really think that my mother's womb was more stimulating.

The new job is with an advertising/promotional company in Virginia. Basically, it's a managerial fast-track type position where they expect me to be a manager within 6-8 months. Since I feel as though I've essentially wasted my time while at my current job, I will be focused on three things during this time: working, eating, and sleeping. I refuse to take more than 6 months to reach manager. Since it's all merit based, that's entirely possible.

Perhaps you're asking yourself (especially if you know me): Why the need to speed through the program? Can't you just chillax at your new job? The answer is no. The first 2-3 months will be hell, but will be made worth it once I reach Assistant Manager followed by Manager. Is it really worth it? YES. When they first described the program, I too was apprehensive - and then they told me the salary for these positions. Those numbers alone are worth obscene amounts of work for a few months. Aside from numbers, I just had good timing for looking for a new job as it's sort of a limited time offer. Because the company is growing at a seemingly obscene rate, they need managers ready to go in various cities where they're opening new offices. How else can you reach that position/salary within a company that quickly?

So that's the new job situation. While it is an excellent escape from my little piece of hell, it's also an escape from my larger chunk of hell, also known as my parent's house. I'm looking at moving out around August. So we'll see what happens.