I Need a New Job (or Are You Fucking Kidding Me?)

If, for some reason, you've read my older posts, you'll know that I sit in close proximity to the copy room. For this reason (and being at the bottom of the totem pole), I have been asked to make sure the paper trays of all the machines are full in the morning. I have no problem with this. Most days, this consists of coming in, opening the trays, seeing they're full, and then closing the trays. Occasionally, I top off all of the trays with paper. The five seconds it takes to do this is not worth complaining about for days upon weeks.

Today, this has changed. I went in, checked the paper, and went back to my desk. Everything was full, so there's nothing I need to do, right? Wrong. A director came up to me in a fit. (The same director who's asked me check the paper every morning. Because actually putting in paper herself is too labor intensive.) Apparently, the machine was not copying her document. "Why?" I ask. I checked the paper. There are at least 2000 sheets in there. This is what she tells me:

"The machine is warming up."

Are you fucking kidding me? The machine needs to warm up. This is what these super-automated things need to do so that they don't need to be serviced every fucking week. In the time it took for her to tell me about this monstrosity, the machine warmed up and printed her copy. So she walked over and picked up her document, so I, thinking the issue is over, proceed to disregard her alarming ignorance of office machinery. Unfortunately for me, however, she comes back to me and proceeds to complain about these 20 second warm up periods. This is what she says to me:

"I don't understand why the machine needs to warm up. No one's used it all night. Why does it need to warm up?"

Once again: Are you fucking kidding me? Of course it needs to warm up after a night of inactivity. Like me, this thing sleeps at night. Why are you so stupid?! You're the first person to ask anything of this machine today. It needs to warm up! I don't understand what is so difficult with this concept?! How is it that you are able to function in the workplace?! I don't understand!! This downward spiral was interrupted by another one of her stupid requests:

"Can you make sure the machine is warmed up all the time? I don't want to have to wait for my copies."

Because I'm not that creative, I ask again: Are you fucking kidding me? This dumbass/asshole/idiot expects me to baby-sit the damned machine all day every day, making sure it's nice and warmed up for her impatient ass. I'm sorry, but this is too fucking much.

When it comes to this kind of stuff, I'm generally a patient person. I don't mind making sure the copiers and fax machines are full. It only takes a few seconds and it helps everybody else who uses them. But I will be fucking damned if she expects me to check up on the machines constantly just so that she doesn't have to wait that extra 20 seconds for them to warm up. She doesn't see any of her superiors/colleagues complaining. They understand the limitations of copy machines. If you're the first person to use it in the morning or after a few hours of inactivity, add a few seconds to your wait. It's not that fucking difficult.

Needless to say, I have begun the search for a new job. I think it will be best for all parties involved. I lose the desire to shoot someone in the face (including myself), and they avoid being shot in the face. Everyone's a winner!