Friday, May 05, 2006

So NOT Pure

According to Baby Names World, Catherine means "pure." Yet, so many characters named Catherine are not. I understand that the screenwriter/director/producer may like this sort of irony, in that the aforementioned Catherine cannot be considered to be conventionally pure.

DIRECTOR: I know, let's name the slut "Catherine!" It means "pure," but the character is actually a dirty whore! The name makes her character even more developed and involving!

I hate it and have recently come upon a realization that disturbs me. The name "Catherine" is often given to movie characters known to be slutty and/or murderous. This is very disturbing, as my name is also Catherine. What is this predilection that screenplay writers have for this name, especially in negative associations? It hurts my heart. It really does. Don't believe me? Let's watch some movies together:

Here, Catherine is a protagonist so we're allowed to root for her. My problem is that she's a bit on the skanky side. Not skanky in the traditional sense of fucking anything on two legs, but in the sense of fucking someone she really shouldn't. Also, what pure minded person would wear this? Even though she comes out winning, we all know she's a slut.

We're not really sure who Catherine is while the movie is developing. (Actually, it's pretty fucking obvious that Aeon is Catherine, but we'll let the director think he's confusing us.) How can a "pure" Catherine be an assassin, who takes no remorse from killing hundreds of people? I'm assuming that in the end, we should understand that the original Catherine was pure and good and all that bullshit who alone had the power to affect Trevor Goodchild, but that doesn't matter. What matters here is that Aeon/Catherine kills people in order to reach him, proceeds to sleep with him for no discernible reason, and then proceeds to kill more people upon her exit: murder, fuck, murder.

In this instance, there is no doubt of how evil Kathryn is. She is a bitch of the highest order in that she:

- is needy to the point of wanting to fuck her step-brother (vomit) and other people that don't want to.
- enjoys toying with people dumber than her.
- keeps coke in a cross. (I'm not big on religion, but that's just fucked up.)
- eventually gets people killed.

Why can't characters be named just for what they are? There are plenty out there: Mala, Bacia, and Magara come to mind. (Okay, I lied. They came to my Google search results.) Given, these are ugly names; but if you're going to be a horrible person, you should have a horrible name. It only makes sense. For example, if you have a slutty character, just name her Paris, or even Lindsay. The audience will make the connection.

With so many names to choose from, why must Hollywood continue to drag my name through the mud? There are empresses, saints, including a Doctor of the Church, and fucking fireworks named Catherine. Stop with the bitches.

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