Super Random Tuesday #2

Who doesn’t love the convenient distractions throughout the work day? Anything that detracts from the mind-numbing, soul-crushing, face-hurting labor is a welcome addition to my day. One of my personal favorites is Wikipedia. I would stay there all day if I could and probably learn more than I did in school. So today, I will document a couple of my wikipedia adventures where I start at the main page, then jump from entry to entry using the in text links. It should be super-exciting, and if not, it’s better than actual work. Let’s start with:

1. the Main Page. I like to start here just to see what’s featured, in the news, etc. Nothing seems super interesting so from here we jump to…
2. Today’s featured article, the colonial history of Miami, Florida. Here’s what I currently know of Miami: it’s hot, the drivers are crazy, and Dave Barry wrote for the Miami Herald. Upon reading the entry, however, I’m reminded of things that I definitely knew in elementary school history class. Those crazy Spanish settlers, with their long-ass names. Wouldn’t Juan Ponce de Leon have an easier time with Johnny Lion (or whatever that madness translates to)? Unfortunately, I’ve lost interest in that crazy place called Miami, so from here, we jump to…
3. Smallpox. This shit it gross. When crazy old cat-ladies yell, “A pox on your house!” this is what they mean. It is not cute. Luckily, that crazy stuff called science has helped us out with it and smallpox is all but eradicated. So here’s a little message from me to any of you crazies out there who think science is destroying religion: I'm down with God and all, but I also enjoy my vaccinations, so please shut up. From here, let’s go to…
4. Farmer. I like farmers as much as I like food. I’ll even go so far as to say I love farmers. Without them, I’d be lost. Lost and hungry. And most importantly, without farmers, we wouldn’t have…
5. Alcoholic beverages. What words exist that can adequately convey my appreciation for these? Wines, liquors, beers, it all makes my heart smile. I think Benjamin Franklin said it best: Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy.

So there you have it. In retrospect, the jumps aren’t all that random in that I started with Miami and ended with alcoholic beverages. Those two just seem to go hand-in-hand, don’t they? All I need is to get some cocaine, and I’m set for my trip to Florida.