Friday, March 30, 2007

Nice Day For A Barbeque

With my love for shoes (and by recent extension, clothes) and people watching, it's not a surprise that I'm a fan of The Sartorialist. It's always good to see well-dressed people gallivanting about. There are a number of sartorialist-esque sites for various cities. The Facehunter has what seems to be a pretty comprehensive list. Apparently, Philadelphia has it's very own site: Faceadelphia. That's clever, isn't it? Faces + Philadelphia = Facedelphia! Super clever, I know. Here's the thing: I am unimpressed. Some of these photos are just plain wrong. Take this picture for example:

Warning - Do not look directly into the screen, or you may suffer permanent damage.

My first reaction is:


I don't think this is an unreasonable reaction. Look at that track suit! Did she use her wayback machine to pinch this from (let's say) 1992 and consequently destroy approximately 20,983,409,857 of my eye cells? I'm sorry, there are just too many wrong things happening here. It almost makes me ashamed of my own (beautiful) collection of Nikes. I feel as though while she was wandering around 1992, she hitched a ride from Philly to Kentucky, broke into an inbred's home, rooted through the clothes that the owners don't even wear anymore, and barely escaped being blown full of buckshot back into the present day. On the way back to Philly, she apparently raided a rest stop for a new t-shirt and took great pains to find the worst sneakers to wear with her prize. My heart weeps for Nike.* And the sunglasses! Oh, GOD, the sunglasses. I hope the only reason she's wearing these is to spare us the consequence of turning to stone, lest we actually look into her eyes. Fortunately, I can't even bring myself to look directly at this picture, so there will be no stone turning for me.

This is a sin against eyes. It should not be celebrated; it should be burnt.

* I took it out of storage for this occasion.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

SRT #36

I was planning on leaving work around 4ish to check out Redeem Us, mostly because they carry Alex + Chloe. I covet the mixtape necklace. Today would be an awesome day to do this as it's super-nice outside and there was minimal traffic causing me to get to work early. As I'm checking the address to find the nearest metro stop, I notice their hours. It is CLOSED ON TUESDAYS!

I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, as not going means won't spend money (at least at that store), but I also won't have a pretty new shiny thing.*

* I might make myself feel better by going to Filene's Basement, which is a mere block away from my office. I have not yet decided if I should.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

I Need More

You know you have a problem when you minimize the windows about clothes/shoes when people walk by. I'm acting like it's porn, but given my plummet into addiction, it's a natural reaction.*

Some recent purchases. Super-cute. I know.

* Well, not traditional porn. Shoe porn is awesome.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

SRT #35

This song makes me wish I could sing. It almost makes me wish I still played the piano. Almost.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


We've had some nice weather this week, as the past 2 days have broken 70ยบ. Today, the temperature is back down in the upper 50s/lower 60s. It's nice enough outside considering the time of year, and I really do appreciate it. So many shoes will be on display for the fast-approaching spring. However, the lack of freezing temperatures does not mean it's OK to break out the flip-flops. I was just outside, feeling a little bit of a chill despite my two shirts, when a crowd of people wearing shorts and flip-flops strolled by.

There are few things that annoy me more than weather-inappropriate-clothing. An upward trend in temperature is no reason to break out all of the summer clothing. People, we are in the transitional period. It may have been 75 yesterday, but it could still be 30 by next week. Don't pack up your winter gear just yet.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

SRT #34

I've taken to buying random individually packaged frozen meals for my lunch at work. Stouffers' were all pretty good, but this week, Lean Cuisine was on sale. They are not nearly as good, and I find the packaging to be misleading. I'm so disappointed.

Friday, March 09, 2007

I'm Sorry. I Really Like Iguanas.

I left work at 5:15, and I've only gone nine miles. I'm getting pretty fucking sick of this.

Maybe God's mad at me for making fun of His kid's pet iguana.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I'm Super Productive

This is what I accomplished during the general staff meeting. I'm a valuable employee, no?

Better Than Head

I literally tingle with excitement¹ when I look at this picture. Some people get the tinglies from some so-called "emotion" called "love." I get it from shoes and clear cases of idiocy. (I'm fully aware that this picture could have been made by someone mocking the idea that dinosaurs lived with humans, and I applaud this piece.) I tingle because, for a brief moment, it was posted with the dinosaur entry on Conservapedia. People actually believe this shit. Last time I checked, Jesus rode a donkey, not a Brontosaurus.²

I love it when people just set themselves up to be mocked and destroyed. When I have a clear shot at someone, I can't not take it. Usually, I need to maneuver and manipulate to get such an opportunity. Here, it's being laid out on a platter. I'm not going into all the creationism/evolution debate here, as there are plenty of people who make much better arguments, and I already got it all out of my system with my co-workers. The fact that people just offer themselves as target practice for my verbal artillery brings me endless pleasure.³ Very few things even come close.

¹ Not that kind of excitement, PERVERT.
² I'm also not remembering any passage about His pet iguana.
³ Ok, maybe there is a little bit of that excitement; but you're still a pervert.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The New Workout Plan

Does laboriously opening a(nother) box of girl scout cookies count as exercise? If so, I should be in shape in no time.

I have been told that it only counts if they are Thin Mints. I have Tagalongs, which might as well be named: Eat me, Fatty.

SRT #33

I was at some bar in Arlington over the weekend for a friend's birthday. So we're all hanging out, blah blah blah, and I wasn't really drinking since I planned on driving back home to Maryland and dropping people off at their respective homes. I note my lack of drinking only because I'm more accepting of dance in general if I'm at least a little drunk. Since I was sober, the amount of hate I generate in this particular area is greater than normal. Also, the more sober I am, the more clearly I remember things that confuse the hell out of me.

So when I got there, rap was ruling the place, which was quite funny because at least 90% of the patrons were white.¹ As the night wore one, the music got whiter and whiter, yet there was no change in the "style" of dance.² They were doing the basic (but off-beat) grind to Akon's I Wanna Fuck You, which is acceptable, but then continued to do that to Journey's Any Way You Want It. It doesn't make any sense. How does one even begin to dance to that song, much less grind to it? It is beyond my understanding.

¹ Now, I could simply comment on the strange seizures called "dancing" by the oppressors, but that's much too easy. That's about as challenging as picking on the retarded kid with no legs.
² I use the word "style" very loosely.