Awesome.

Mind the Broken Fingernail

Sexual Engineering

And when I get that feeling
I want sexual engineering.

Anyone remember that?

Love this.

It looks like a baaaaaattllleeee

Take that, Del.

Oh DAYAMM

An Excellent Idea

I think many of my friends have thought of this, but they take it too far and actually get pregnant.

Oh, Snapple, How I've Missed You

My first Snapple Apple in a few years. It was awesome.

SRT #77

And I have officially been accepted into one grad school, which means that come August, I'm outta here no matter what. I received an email about three weeks ago telling me to expect an acceptance package, and while I did tell others about this happy development, I was still halfway expecting a follow up saying they had made a terrible terrible mistake. But now that I have the actual package in my possession, I can rest a little easier.

And thank god, I don't think I can take much more of the ennui that is my job.

SRT #76

Have you noticed that the more you hate on someone, the more reasons you find to hate them? I know this sounds obvious, but bear with me. Of course it's a slippery slope from casual hatred to the sheer concentrated hatred of a thousand suns, but the hatee only makes it easier as time passes. It's as though they know how my black soul feeds on hate, and when faced with decisions, they consistently chose the option that leads to the greatest amount of hate. This is unquestionable proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy.

This and beer.

This and beer and Paul Smith.

This and beer and Paul Smith and shoes in general.

Ok, there is lots of proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy, but this gift of hate is definitely number one right now.

If you don't love Betty White...

I Love Words. Don't You Love Words?

Shenanigans is a delightful word. It elicits such joy upon exiting my mouth. (I feel like I should make a dirty joke right now, but it gets more convoluted the more I think about it.) Also, convoluted is a good word. Not as delightful as shenanigans, but it has its merits. There are limitations to the delight of shenanigans though. Anyone under the age of 30 can use it to much laughter. The younger the user, the more amusing it is. Anyone who has been ravaged by time can also use it to much delight. I'd rather hear a crazy 90 year old cat lady say it than a well-coiffed/clad 55 year old. Being classy/sophisticated just detracts from the joy. Age and social standing are not the only factors affecting it, as levels of authority have a tremendous effect. For example, Bush is a crazy motherfucker and wants to blow up the world(I mean that figuratively, I have nothing against Barbara Bush). Clinton just wants to get blown. See the difference?

TERRIFYING!

DELIGHTFUL!

The use of the delight* that is shenanigans should not be used by all. But if you are one of the lucky few able to use it in such a way, have at it.


*Also, delight itself is delightful. So light. So airy. It just rolls off the tongue like a delightfully dirty joke.

I Think It's the Smoking

Obama has such a pretty voice.

Resolution #2

I resolve to treat white people like just any another minority. I will not make fun of white people for the unfortunate circumstances of their pale births and will only do so when each's personal behavior/opinion warrants such a reaction. For example, I look forward to having this exchange:

ME: So where are you from?
WHITEY: Baltimore.
ME: Nooo, I mean - where are you from?
WHITEY: (Confused) Uh...BALTIMORE.
ME: (Slowly, as English must not be Whitey's first language) Where. Were. You. Born?
WHITEY: (Even more confused) Johns Hopkins?
ME: (Exasperated) Where were your parents born? France? Germany? Perhaps Poland? Do they speak English?
WHITEY: I have to go now.

I encourage all people of color to do this to anyone deserving. Maybe then they'll see how fucking annoying it is.

SRT #65

One of my favorite blogs is Things I've Bought That I Love, written by the chick that writes for and plays Kelly Kapoor on The Office. Since I do not have a comparable disposable income (Though that could change if this strike never ends. God, why won't this strike end? I need my stories!), I maintain a loose mental list of Things I Wish I Could Buy That I Will Love Forever And Ever. Here's today's list:

• Solar Powered Spy Camera
• Mini Donut Maker
• Photo Hangers
• Comma Cufflinks
• Robot Necklace
• So much of Black Fleece

Some of these things I've found that I love today. Others, I've been pining over for a while. Le sigh. I must find cheaper/more accessible things to want.

In Your FACE, Internet Quiz!

I'm backlogging through xanga, and I find the results of an internet quiz taken September 1, 2003:

Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on:
March 8, 2007 at
the age of 23 years old.
On that date you will most likely die from:
Cancer (36%)
Contagious Disease (13%)
Alcoholism (11%)
Heart Attack (8%)
Third Degree Burns (5%)
Homicide (5%)
Alien Abduction (5%)

I WIN!

Damn Skippy!

I'm not really a fan of the posting of such things, but it's hard to deny the truth. I do love my big words.

New Super Random Feature

I've taken to listening to my entire song library on album shuffle lately as opposed to sticking to my various playlists. This has brought me the joy of rediscovering albums that I totally loved, but had forgotten about. Today's old/new album is:

Who is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol. 1

This is awesome. I suggest that everyone listen through.

Do you want it on your rice and gravy? I do, Jill. I really do.

SR(Who Cares When I Do This, Really?) #57

So I missed a day; sue me. Actually, don't. I have important places my money needs to go. My closet, for example. Anyways, I delayed because no topics to write about entered my mind. "But, Catherine," you ask, "your mind is normally empty no matter the scenario. How was this week any different?" Well, I'm lazy. I don't know what to tell you. That seemed as good an excuse as any, and now it's ruined. RUINED!¹ So I will simply go through the notes I keep on my phone. Occasionally, I'll stick some random blurb in there, intending to write extensively on each topic, but I am lazy and so will do them all together with shorter blurbs. Here we go!!

Sun, Jul 29 2:30pm
c

I have no idea what this means. Perhaps it's a reminder as to how to start spelling my name? Perhaps I was about to note someone as a cunt? I really have no recollection of this. :T (This is my new favorite emoticon. Yes, I have a favorite emoticon. Sue me.²)

Fri, Jul 20 3:43pm
cool factor v. nerd v. angry

I think a friend and I were in the process of categorizing people we know. For the most part, everyone seemed to pretty clearly fall into cool or nerd, with very few straddling both.³ It was then pointed out that while I used to reside mostly in an angry place, I am now definitely in the nerd category. I accept that. It's not MY fault that they read In Her Shoes and I read The Zombie Survival Guide. When the zombies come, who'll be laughing then?! WHAT NOW, JERK?!

Mon, Oct 1 8:16pm
fake jt for cash!!!!

OHMIGOD. I was watching TV and suddenly Justin Timberlake is advertising for some quick cash loan deal. It was one of those places that tells you to put up your car for the loan, and then in fine print, there's like, 150% interest or something terrible like that. Anyways, after about two seconds it sinks in that this is NOT Justin, but a lookalike. Crazy. He even had the trying-too-hard stubble, off center fedora, and I think a vest that only Mr. Timberlake can wear without everyone assuming he's gay. In addition to that, the end of the commercial had this dude sitting at a grand piano. Do these people think Justin is a good loan sharking public spokesman? Are they targeting females from the ages of 10-25? Is that prime loan shark bait? Somehow, I really doubt this.

Upon reviewing the above summary, I really don't convey how amused I was. I was literally squealing with delight. It was awesome.

Thu, Jul 19 5:05pm
fupa is not business casual

So I'm walking to my ride home after work, which is around Judiciary Square, when I see what looks like a group of interns. They all look about 18-20, so I assume they were interns. They are wearing super business formal clothing for the most part, a little bit of business casual, so they were straddling that line. (Re: Tee Hee) It was not cute. A herd of poorly dressed things. A cacophony for the eyes, it was ill-fitting suits and bad shoes. Blech. Their queen, however, had FUPA hanging out of her suit jacket. It was, admittedly, a short jacket, but FUPA! And not just FUPA forcing her shirt to paunch out along with it. NAKED FUPA! Her shirt was also too short! NAKED FUPA at Judiciary Square! Terrible. My eyes still burn. I had to go stare at the Fall/Winter Balenciaga show to ease the pain.

Mon, May 28 4:12pm
level 1 aisle e

I must have gone to Tyson's Corner. Usually, I just take a picture of the sign with my camera phone, but I think I was (and still am) out of memory.

Mon, Jul 16 10:58 am
make a left at RECALCULATING ROUTE

I was in Philly and had to pick up a friend at an unfamiliar street. My phone's GPS got me there fine, but then we had to go to another unfamiliar area. At this point, satellites decided that they hate me when my phone spewed out this direction. How can I possibly make a left at recalculating route? I don't think that's a real street. Needless to say, I was sad and much pouting ensued. Luckily, I was able to find my way, but not without much sturm und drang. And, of course, more pouting.

Wed, Jul 11 7:34am
tweezing on the bus is a bad idea

That is all.


¹ Sorry, I'm in an especially random mood right now. Let's call it crazycornystrange.
² For real though. Please don't.
³ Tee hee. Straddle.

WTF!?

What the FUCK, Microsoft? WHAT. THE. FUCK.

After four more hours of gameplay last night, Fet and I beat Halo 3. Right when the end sequence is starting, the fucking XBox tells me that the disc is fucking unreadable. UNREADABLE! So we saw nothing. NOTHING! So disappointed. So now, I'm gonna have to beat the entire last chapter again.

On a semi-related note, why is Cortana able to leap from the disc where she is housed into the fucking computer through the air. COMPUTER PROGRAMS SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT.