.........

......hey catherine.....its been a long time.......but who knew that grad school was no joke? .. you sure didnt......wow..its really annoying to not use apostrophes properly..........anyways....this whole learning and retaining information thing is new and different......its hard to undo 16 years of bullshitting through classes.....waiting for your class to start at six and youre already really hungry....thats not a good sign....i hope someone brings in some good food for class....its the only thing that keeps you awake on monday nights....the mandatory bringing of food.......

Just a Dab'll Do Ya.

I get home after class yesterday, and I am greeted with the smell of cream cheese. I don't know who used it, but it was beautiful. Now, as I sit in a review session, someone has brought a bagel with extravagant amounts of cream cheese on it. Everywhere I go, fucking cream cheese. I cannot get away.

Puffy McChipmunk

One good thing about this whole wisdom teeth debacle is that I have new resolve to never ever ever ever ever get fat. This moonface thing is not working.

Le Sigh

Obligatory Middle of the Week Post

This SRT thing has been quite flaky lately. Tuesday, Wednesday, who knows when I'll actually get to it? So now let's just call it the Obligatory Middle of the Week Post. To commemorate this momentous occasion, I'm going to bring back the Snapple facts:

Dim lights reduce your appetite.

I get it, Snapple. I'm turning into a fatty. I know that McDonald's last night was a bad idea, but I really wanted that Big Mac. And those chicken nuggets.

...and the apple pies.

Stop judging me.

SR(Who Cares?) #79

It's strange. I had a #1 at McDonald's yesterday, but did not have the sudden urge to poo 30 minutes later. Has the Big Mac's efficacy as a laxative been lost on me?

ADDENDUM Haha. The #1 usually leads to a #2. HA.

SRT #70

I am well on my way to becoming a fatty. Let me count the reasons:

1. My mom broke her arm in such a way that she is not going to work for 4-6 months. I now must take the bus home, which removes my daily 1.7ish mile walk every weekday. That's a lot of walking.
2. Over the Christmas break, I successfully got my metabolism back up. I am hungry every 2-3 hours no matter how much I eat. Without the daily walking, this is bad.
3. I love food. Someone just has to mention a food to me and I will desperately want it for the next few days. This week started out with steak, but now I need a crepe. Preferably from this place i used to go to on UPenn's campus. Perhaps I can track down a steak crepe around here.

My jeans have been feeling a little tight lately, so I need to take some preventative measures. But what?

Resolution #3

I'm gonna try to actually use the library instead of just going out and buying all my books. Shit gets expensive. I just have to make sure not to accumlate excesesive late fees or lose the books. And not go to the library in the ghetto where people get car jacked. But there is a Checkers right by that library, perhaps I can go in the morning/early afternoon, when the scaries are still sleeping.

SRT #64

As I was sprinkling white pepper onto my macaroni salad, I could feel my arm fat jiggle back and forth. Not cute.

I guess it's time to break out the Wii boxing again.

SR(Who Cares When I Do This, Really?) #57

So I missed a day; sue me. Actually, don't. I have important places my money needs to go. My closet, for example. Anyways, I delayed because no topics to write about entered my mind. "But, Catherine," you ask, "your mind is normally empty no matter the scenario. How was this week any different?" Well, I'm lazy. I don't know what to tell you. That seemed as good an excuse as any, and now it's ruined. RUINED!¹ So I will simply go through the notes I keep on my phone. Occasionally, I'll stick some random blurb in there, intending to write extensively on each topic, but I am lazy and so will do them all together with shorter blurbs. Here we go!!

Sun, Jul 29 2:30pm
c

I have no idea what this means. Perhaps it's a reminder as to how to start spelling my name? Perhaps I was about to note someone as a cunt? I really have no recollection of this. :T (This is my new favorite emoticon. Yes, I have a favorite emoticon. Sue me.²)

Fri, Jul 20 3:43pm
cool factor v. nerd v. angry

I think a friend and I were in the process of categorizing people we know. For the most part, everyone seemed to pretty clearly fall into cool or nerd, with very few straddling both.³ It was then pointed out that while I used to reside mostly in an angry place, I am now definitely in the nerd category. I accept that. It's not MY fault that they read In Her Shoes and I read The Zombie Survival Guide. When the zombies come, who'll be laughing then?! WHAT NOW, JERK?!

Mon, Oct 1 8:16pm
fake jt for cash!!!!

OHMIGOD. I was watching TV and suddenly Justin Timberlake is advertising for some quick cash loan deal. It was one of those places that tells you to put up your car for the loan, and then in fine print, there's like, 150% interest or something terrible like that. Anyways, after about two seconds it sinks in that this is NOT Justin, but a lookalike. Crazy. He even had the trying-too-hard stubble, off center fedora, and I think a vest that only Mr. Timberlake can wear without everyone assuming he's gay. In addition to that, the end of the commercial had this dude sitting at a grand piano. Do these people think Justin is a good loan sharking public spokesman? Are they targeting females from the ages of 10-25? Is that prime loan shark bait? Somehow, I really doubt this.

Upon reviewing the above summary, I really don't convey how amused I was. I was literally squealing with delight. It was awesome.

Thu, Jul 19 5:05pm
fupa is not business casual

So I'm walking to my ride home after work, which is around Judiciary Square, when I see what looks like a group of interns. They all look about 18-20, so I assume they were interns. They are wearing super business formal clothing for the most part, a little bit of business casual, so they were straddling that line. (Re: Tee Hee) It was not cute. A herd of poorly dressed things. A cacophony for the eyes, it was ill-fitting suits and bad shoes. Blech. Their queen, however, had FUPA hanging out of her suit jacket. It was, admittedly, a short jacket, but FUPA! And not just FUPA forcing her shirt to paunch out along with it. NAKED FUPA! Her shirt was also too short! NAKED FUPA at Judiciary Square! Terrible. My eyes still burn. I had to go stare at the Fall/Winter Balenciaga show to ease the pain.

Mon, May 28 4:12pm
level 1 aisle e

I must have gone to Tyson's Corner. Usually, I just take a picture of the sign with my camera phone, but I think I was (and still am) out of memory.

Mon, Jul 16 10:58 am
make a left at RECALCULATING ROUTE

I was in Philly and had to pick up a friend at an unfamiliar street. My phone's GPS got me there fine, but then we had to go to another unfamiliar area. At this point, satellites decided that they hate me when my phone spewed out this direction. How can I possibly make a left at recalculating route? I don't think that's a real street. Needless to say, I was sad and much pouting ensued. Luckily, I was able to find my way, but not without much sturm und drang. And, of course, more pouting.

Wed, Jul 11 7:34am
tweezing on the bus is a bad idea

That is all.


¹ Sorry, I'm in an especially random mood right now. Let's call it crazycornystrange.
² For real though. Please don't.
³ Tee hee. Straddle.

SR(Whenever the Fuck I Feel Like It) #46

1. Lately, I've been waking up thirsty. Sometimes I think I'm diabetic, but I hate going to the doctor. If I am, I won't get treatment until I collapse in a public place from insulin shock or whatever it is that happens to diabetics. Since I wake up thirsty, I grab a quick glass of water before I leave the house if I have time. You'd think I'd do this every day, but with my morning routine, every 30 seconds is vital to catching the bus on time. This morning, I did have that extra 30 seconds. Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking straight and just did not use the filtered tap in the kitchen. I now have the worst aftertaste ever in my mouth. Since this time, I've eaten a bagel with salmon/cream cheese/red onion and drank a Snapple White Tea.* The taste still lingers. So gross. Ugh. I'm really mad not only for this horrible metallic taste, but for the fact that if a boy so much as LOOKS at me, I'll get pregnant. I'm not sure how, exactly, the biology of this works, but something in Maryland water gets girls pregnant. Lucky for me, however, that this is unlikely, as...

2. My boobs have gotten smaller. For anyone who knows me, you'd think this is an impossible task. You are wrong. I am officially a prepubescent boy. Thanks, God. I appreciate it. Are you mad at me? Is it my new...

3. Rating system? A rating system that is the greatest to ever be put into everyday use? Essentially, you begin with, "On a scale of one to Jesus," and end with anything remotely related to religion. For example, no more sales tax in NYC, on a scale of one to Jesus, is God dancing. On the other hand, getting your feet cut off at Six Flags, on a scale of one to Jesus, is the Archdiocese of Boston. This need not be regulated to extremes, however; it can be applied to the average day. My shoes are 2nd tier today. They are not shoes I would kill for, nor are they fuckupables. On a scale of one to Jesus, they are the First Letter to the Corinthians. You can use this for any occasion, for all occasions. Just be prepared for God to punish you in strange/effective ways.


* Real Fact #127: A hummingbird's heart beats 1,400 times a minute.

SRT #44

This is supposed to be my summer of self-improvement. Quick list of things I'm supposed to be practicing and/or accomplishing over the next couple of months:

1. Getting more physically active. I'm on the Wii workout and have taken to walking about 2 miles after work pretty much every day, depending on my work load/arrival time at work, which is dependent upon morning rush hour traffic. I am turning into a fat load, and am not happy about it. Also, I just need to be more fit when the zombies come.

2. Return to a slightly more artsy-fartsy place. I have purchased a Nikon d40 to enable this endeavor. As long as I am gallivanting through downtown DC every afternoon, I'm going to take (try to take?) nice pictures. We'll see how this goes. Hopefully, this hobby will stick. It had better stick with all the money I've spent so far.

3. Actually filling out grad school applications. I am at a 95% confidence interval for applying to MPH programs. We will see how this goes.

4. Cutting back on TV time. Instead of wasting away hours of time watching pointless TV and reruns that I've seen eighty-six times before, I'm just going to watch new episodes of series that I enjoy online with out the wasted time of commercials and what not. Also, this frees up my primetime activity and I'll be watching these things on Sunday mornings and other days when nothing of importance/productivity is occurring.

So that is the summer plan. Hopefully, only good things will happen, but you never know. I figure that posting this will give me a better reason to stick to the general plan. I can easily manipulate myself that way. I'm super easy.

SRT #43

1. Wireless internet is super-awesome. I am currently writing this from the comfort of my bed on my PDA. My potential for laziness has significantly increased as I no longer have to go downstairs or use phone minutes for internet access. Furthermore, I don't need to get a LAN convertor thing for my newly acquired toy which is the . . .

2. Wii I finally got last Sunday. I had essentially stopped looking for one around February as the search only served to frustrate me, and I was doing OK with my DS. On Sunday, I noticed one of my cousins was playing Cooking Mama on her DS. It looked super-fun, so I proposed a quick trip to Best Buy in order to get it. However, when we walked in, there was a board saying there are Wiis in stock! To my infinite pleasure & my wallet's dismay, there were three left on the shelves. I purchased one immediately along with Prince of Persia: Rival Swords. Normally, I would have gotten Zelda, but why throw down the $50 when I could simply use my cousin's copy? This leads me to the beginning of the . . .

3. Wii workout, which officially began today. I am the flabbiest skinny person in the world, & it sucks. Gross. I'll be boxing for thirty minutes everyday in addition to suffering the jump rope until I want to die. I need to up my general fitness level if I expect to survive the zombies. I don't expect there to be any significant changes in weight/size though. However, there has been semi-drastic change in . . .

4. the hair, which is now the shortest it has been since I was about 11. I didn't plan on such a change, but the "trim" I got was demonic. So I got another cut & it is now just grazing my shoulders. I'm still messing around with how to wear it though, but I think my potential for super-emo hair has increased tenfold.

A Gallery of Awesome

I am a fan of Chinatowns in general. For the most part, I go to Chinatown for food because I am a fatty. However, in LA, we went for the shopping as well. I love random amusing things. For example, who knew that people still made these:

Does anyone still own a VHS player? If so, are the people that still own/use them in such a rush that they need a separate rewinder? This is madness. If you're still using VHS, you probably aren't on a super-tight schedule. I do like the white color-way though. Very iPod.

The best thing about Chinatown is awesome knockoff products. For example, when I was in high school, Bebe was Teh Hawtness.* Unfortunately, not all people could afford it. This is not a problem now with the production of:

Awesome, isn't it? And it has the advantage of being an actual word! No matter how awesome this is, it is nothing compared to:

I was drinking water when I turned around, saw this GLORIOUS thing, and choked. CHANNEL! I have no words. Despite this glory, there was one product to rule them all:

Innocuous, isn't it? This is not impressive at all. Just a pair of pantyhose. Nothing to get excited about, right? WRONG! This seemingly innocent product is actually:

SATAN! This is manufactured in the depths of HELL! Why import from China when you can import from Hades itself?! I am still riddled with giggles whenever I think of it.


* I'm from PG County, that's how it is. Was? Just accept it.

And the Self-Esteem Continues to Plummet

Today's Snapple Fact:

A human brain weighs around 3 pounds.

Damn you, Snapple! Why must you continue to torment me?! I thought we had moved past this stage in our relationship and could enjoy each other's company without petty put-downs constantly arising. Clearly, I was wrong. I know I ate an entire frozen California Pizza Kitchen last night as a "snack." And then had a very large mango. I know I had already eaten half a pot of sinigang for lunch, followed by half a chicken as my merienda, all with generous helpings of rice. I know all of these things. You do not have to keep throwing my increasing predilection towards fattiness in my face. Why won't you just LOVE ME?!

I don't even know how to begin to lose that weight. I just don't know where to begin. I could kill brain cells with alcoholism, I suppose, but then I would most likely gain quite the beer belly. There is the possibility of the hardcore drugs, but I really don't want to have anything in common with Lindsey Lohan. It's a matter of principle. I guess I could just let my mind atrophy at the normal U.S. citizen rate. Perhaps I could go hardcore and take up Fundamentalism? Those people don't seem to ever think for themselves. I'm sure that would set off a neurological explosion killing off the vast majority of my brain. Perhaps I could even get my brainstem to lose some weight in the process. That thing must weigh at least 8 ounces. Summer svelte-ness, here I come!

I Work To Live

One of the restaurants at the resort in Mexico had this sauce with chips and whatnot with every meal. It was perhaps one of the greatest things in life, trumped only by the fried oysters at another restaurant. It was just the right creaminess, just the right spiciness, just the right everything. As I recall it, I feel a mixture of joy and sadness. I'll most likely never have this exact flavor again, but I am glad that I've had it. So delicious. So wonderful. It was an explosion in my mouth.*


* Insert dirty joke here. Do you see how I just cater to the dirty minds? Do you? And people say that I'm inconsiderate. Bastards.

SRT #38

I keep almost pretending to try to exercise on a regular basis. This farce was supposed to start this morning. Last night I distinctly remember dreaming about just lounging about doing nothing, and when I woke up, I continued on with this theme.

I'll be trying again tomorrow morning. Let's see what happens.

:-/

I swear I used to be funny. I generally remember laughter ensuing at my words, not necessarily here, but in life in general.* My banter is weak, and the sarcasm is fading. There must be some sort of pill I can take to up my levels. When did I get this boring? Could it be my lack of excessive drinking? Maybe I've just been thinking too hard? The fact that I'm writing about this does support that possibility. If I can just start binge drinking and stop thinking, maybe I can get the funny back? Can I pull an Old School and join/start a local sorority? That could do the trick. Surrounding myself with vapid little things and immersing myself in self-destructive behavior could do wonders for future creativity. As long as I'm throwing up in self-disgust, I can pass it off as bulimia and might have a chance of getting in.

Maybe I'm just not self-destructive enough. Finding a good, affordable substance to abuse could help me release excess Crazy, with consequently funny results. Sure, I do tend to broadcast a good amount of my Crazy, but there's still a good amount inside, fermenting until it either:

1. erupts, spewing liquid Crazy on everyone within 50 feet of me, or
2. presents itself as some sort of disease, perhaps colon cancer.

If only alcoholism wasn't so overdone, I could play that game. Also, the probability of eventually throwing up on my shoes makes me nervous. I guess I could turn to other drugs, but I can be charged as an adult and have no desire to go to prison. Communal showers. Gross.

What if the problem is not Crazy underexposure, but overexposure? Does broadcasting too much deaden others to its full impact? Apparently, this happens with violence, so why not the Crazy? This brings me to another trend I've noticed. Why can't I stop asking rhetorical questions? When did this practice get so out of control? Why CAN'T I STOP?

The last possibility for my boring-ness I've considered is I'm just turning into an actual adult. I hate this game.


* I mean, I can't even come up with a halfway-decent title for a post. They were never stellar to begin with, but really, an emoticon?! Ugh, I'm disgusted with myself. I have to go throw up now.

Nice Day For A Barbeque

With my love for shoes (and by recent extension, clothes) and people watching, it's not a surprise that I'm a fan of The Sartorialist. It's always good to see well-dressed people gallivanting about. There are a number of sartorialist-esque sites for various cities. The Facehunter has what seems to be a pretty comprehensive list. Apparently, Philadelphia has it's very own site: Faceadelphia. That's clever, isn't it? Faces + Philadelphia = Facedelphia! Super clever, I know. Here's the thing: I am unimpressed. Some of these photos are just plain wrong. Take this picture for example:

Warning - Do not look directly into the screen, or you may suffer permanent damage.

My first reaction is:

Demon! WITCH! BURN IT!

I don't think this is an unreasonable reaction. Look at that track suit! Did she use her wayback machine to pinch this from (let's say) 1992 and consequently destroy approximately 20,983,409,857 of my eye cells? I'm sorry, there are just too many wrong things happening here. It almost makes me ashamed of my own (beautiful) collection of Nikes. I feel as though while she was wandering around 1992, she hitched a ride from Philly to Kentucky, broke into an inbred's home, rooted through the clothes that the owners don't even wear anymore, and barely escaped being blown full of buckshot back into the present day. On the way back to Philly, she apparently raided a rest stop for a new t-shirt and took great pains to find the worst sneakers to wear with her prize. My heart weeps for Nike.* And the sunglasses! Oh, GOD, the sunglasses. I hope the only reason she's wearing these is to spare us the consequence of turning to stone, lest we actually look into her eyes. Fortunately, I can't even bring myself to look directly at this picture, so there will be no stone turning for me.

This is a sin against eyes. It should not be celebrated; it should be burnt.


* I took it out of storage for this occasion.

SRT #34

I've taken to buying random individually packaged frozen meals for my lunch at work. Stouffers' were all pretty good, but this week, Lean Cuisine was on sale. They are not nearly as good, and I find the packaging to be misleading. I'm so disappointed.