Thursday, April 05, 2007


I swear I used to be funny. I generally remember laughter ensuing at my words, not necessarily here, but in life in general.* My banter is weak, and the sarcasm is fading. There must be some sort of pill I can take to up my levels. When did I get this boring? Could it be my lack of excessive drinking? Maybe I've just been thinking too hard? The fact that I'm writing about this does support that possibility. If I can just start binge drinking and stop thinking, maybe I can get the funny back? Can I pull an Old School and join/start a local sorority? That could do the trick. Surrounding myself with vapid little things and immersing myself in self-destructive behavior could do wonders for future creativity. As long as I'm throwing up in self-disgust, I can pass it off as bulimia and might have a chance of getting in.

Maybe I'm just not self-destructive enough. Finding a good, affordable substance to abuse could help me release excess Crazy, with consequently funny results. Sure, I do tend to broadcast a good amount of my Crazy, but there's still a good amount inside, fermenting until it either:
  1. erupts, spewing liquid Crazy on everyone within 50 feet of me, or
  2. presents itself as some sort of disease, perhaps colon cancer.

If only alcoholism wasn't so overdone, I could play that game. Also, the probability of eventually throwing up on my shoes makes me nervous. I guess I could turn to other drugs, but I can be charged as an adult and have no desire to go to prison. Communal showers. Gross.

What if the problem is not Crazy underexposure, but overexposure? Does broadcasting too much deaden others to its full impact? Apparently, this happens with violence, so why not the Crazy? This brings me to another trend I've noticed. Why can't I stop asking rhetorical questions? When did this practice get so out of control? Why CAN'T I STOP?

The last possibility for my boring-ness I've considered is I'm just turning into an actual adult. I hate this game.

* I mean, I can't even come up with a halfway-decent title for a post. They were never stellar to begin with, but really, an emoticon?! Ugh, I'm disgusted with myself. I have to go throw up now.


Vincent said...

Don't throw up on your shoes!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about throwing up on your shoes... you're the master at keeping them safe from vomit


Anonymous said...

That. Was. So. Unfunny.