*vomit*

Why is this man (bear? demon?) covered in pubic hair? I was so disgusted upon seeing this that I had an immediate need to share it with as many people as possible. It’s the online version of tasting something super-nasty and asking everyone around you to try it.

YOU: UGH! This is gross! TRY IT!
ME: OK! [tries a bit] That is the grossest thing in life.

Why do I try it? I already know it’s gross from your reaction. Yet, I feel that I can’t really appreciate its flavor until I experience it for myself. Lately, I’ve avoided this situation by simply knocking the food out of the other person’s hands/off the table. While this has caused some problems in itself, it’s yielded good results. I don’t have to have disgusting food, and a number of establishments have asked me not to return, making my restaurant choices easier.

But back to this pubic monster. Actually, it’s disrespectful to pubic hair to call him a pubic monster. People take care of it: trim, wash, wax, and whatever floats their boat. Clearly, there is none of that going on here. Is he able to use regular soap/body wash to clean up? Isn’t shampoo more appropriate? If so, what kind? It’s all so bizarre that I can’t help but wonder. Damn this inquiring mind of mine!

I feel as though he thinks himself to be attractive, and while some (crazy? depraved? blind?) people may think so, I must disagree. That look he's giving me doesn’t say: “I’m sexy.” If it is, he needs to work on his diction, because all I’m hearing is: “I’m a demon. Come join me in eating the entire world and growing fields of pubic hair.”

His torso looks like an independent being that’s getting ready to take over the world, or at least the staircase. Any minute now, his belly will be ripped open to reveal the demon underneath that has been monitoring all outside activity through the eyenipples (nippleeyes?), which are strangely immune to the rampant hair growth. If it is allowed to escape, soon the whole world will be covered in this evil. Don’t let that happen. Fight the demons. Groom yourself.