Thursday, April 27, 2006

Dumbass Directors

I fucking hate people that think you live and die by them. If they need something, they automatically assume that you’d love to do it. And not just that, you’d love to do it right this fucking second!

Why do people think this? Is it because their parents loved them that much? It is a desperate call for attention that their subconscious is directing them to do? Do they simply need catering/pandering all day every day? Who knows? All I know is that these people are fucking annoying and should be condemned to death by a thousand bee stings.

Is it really necessary that I Xerox these 3 pages for you right now? Especially since I’m literally right next to the copy room and in the time it took you to ask this of me, you could have made 10 copies? Why do you insist on wasting my time? Is that a required aspect of your job?

DUTIES - As Director of [Any Fucking Department], you will develop, plan, implement, interpret and direct programs in accordance with necessary policies, guidelines and legal constraints, and to advise/assist management in the administration of these programs/policies. Proper levels of annoyance are a must, especially in roping new hires into boring, mind-numbing work. This includes, but is not limited to: having said employee call thousands of people for no good reason, copying documents that would take you 2 seconds to do yourself, and explain basic computer processes in idiotically simple language. In this position you will work closely with all levels of the organization providing the necessary balance between company and employee advocate.

In case you’re wondering, it is I that suffers under such rule. Just now, I’ve been asked to copy a 3 page document. My desk is literally 10 feet away from the copy machine. Yet one of the directors has stopped here, waited for me to get off the phone, and then proceeded to walk me through the process of copying 3 pages. In all this time, she could have made the copies herself and gotten back to her own damned desk.

Yesterday, she had me take dictation on a three paragraph letter. While this doesn’t sound so bad, she was perhaps the slowest dictator in the history of dictation. For the most part, people have a general idea of what to say when giving dictation. This was not the case. A mere 500 words stretched out into two hours of work. Two hours! A five year old can think of shit faster than that. And afterwards, she had the nerve to ask me to speed up the current project I’m working on. I’d be done a lot faster if you would stop asking me to do shit that barely takes up your own time. Maybe if you cleaned off your desk, you could find your own damned keyboard and type your own fucking letter once in a while.

Do I sound bitter? I hope so, since that’s what I’m trying to convey here.

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