Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Devil Never Spell-Checks

Case in point:
These dolls are frightening. Where are their noses? Are they able to smell the stench of whores that radiates off of them? Why are their heads so large and necks so skinny? Soon, little girls will want to know what kind of crunches you need to do for that sort of neck definition. Why are their lips so large? I feel as though they are eternally on their way back from a blow job and are on the way to another one. As for being focused on “fashion,” I don’t know anyone who wants to dress like a genie; and I’m sure that any real genies out there in the world want new clothes. And if the genies had any say, I don’t think they’d dress like whores.

Yet, these dolls seem to be quite popular? WHY?! I believe it is the substitution of the “S” in brats for a “Z.” Kids love that purposeful misspelling. It calls to them like ice cream and candy. If that wasn’t enough, the logo has a halo over it. Now the children are being tricked into thinking that dressing like the Bratz will keep them innocent despite looking like a prostitute. It is from the logo that these dolls have gathered power. The rest of us (who know how to spell) must take the lead and show children that bad spelling is for bad people. It’s one thing to accidentally make an error, it’s quite another to have kids thinking that the “Z” is a cooler version of the “S.”

Clearly, these dolls are agents of Satan. If the overt misspellings and whorishness weren’t enough, just look at the name: Bratz. Why would you want children to model themselves after brats? It just doesn’t make sense. Adults hate brats. Personally, I think they all need a good smack followed by, “Shut up! Stop crying!” Since we hate brats so much, why are we providing toys which encourage such behavior? It’s because we’re not doing it, demons are. Clearly the traditional evils of the world are no longer enough.

Fight the evil. Expel the Demons. Use spell-check.

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