Why Am I So High?

Why am I so high?
- Me, 203,843,087,525 times on 4/20

I never really got into the whole weed thing in college. It just seemed like getting drunk was more convenient and easier to regulate. I had dabbled a couple of times and was never really impressed. I believe the last time I had any was about five years ago, so of course I decide to dabble again over the weekend thinking it would result in the mild loopiness of the past. Something not unlike sitting at the gas station with your windows down for a little too long. This was not the case.

Life lesson: So thaaaatt's what being high is like.

I don't know how to feel. It was enjoyable for the first 30-60 minutes, and then it got old. I swear that twenty minutes at a bar felt like eight hours. I was all ready to go home until I checked the time (12.20 AM!!!) and realized we had a couple more hours to go. In my elevated state, I decide, "Ok, I can deal with this. Just a couple more hours. I will just sit down and not do anything dumb." Ten hours later, it feels like it's 30 degrees inside of a crowded bar, and I'm shivering and clutching my jacket around myself. After three more hours have passed, I check the time. Hm. Only 12:27, that's not good.

And the night continues on like this. I really needed that shit to be over right then. It was getting old.

On top of the fact that this is the highest I've ever been, the DJ was fuckin' terrible. Songs would cut off for no reason. At some points, it sounded like he stepped away from the equipment and just let a cat walk around on top of the knobs/keys/buttons. I really thought I was losing time, the mixing was so terrible. (It has since been confirmed that I did not lose time, and the DJ really was the worst ever.) Now, it was not only the audio fucking with my mind. I underwent optic injury as well. Huge swathes of crazy white kids start "dancing" in front of me, consisting mostly of random jumping and what appeared to be violent seizures. I honestly thought I was hallucinating. I remember repeatedly asking the people around me if they were seeing the same thing. (They were, and I'm not sure if this was what I wanted to hear.) I blame them for making me feel higher than I probably was.

I'm sure there's more to tell, but I was high. Gimme a break. In short, it was cute for about an hour, and that's about it for me.



ADDENDUM

Dear Kuyung,

I don't ever do anything bad. This was all just stealing someone else's story and telling it in the first person to make it a better read. Repeat: I don't actually do ANY of these things.

<3,
Catherine

Kuyung says...

The other guys that Jesus raised up don't count?

This is true. Those are the first zombies. More accurately, Jesus is more like the first vampire, as he requires us to drink his blood to be in the club.

Photo When I Feel Like It

My mom insists on having something super Catholic in all of her cars, and I recently acquired some Batman legos. So now TwoFace has a new super best friend!

Also: Jesus, the first zombie?

The Time for Complacency is Over.

I've recently been reminded of the constant threat of zombies in this world. You may think we are safe. We are not. You could be eating a delightful brunch al fresco, and a zombie will reach out from the sewer and GRAB YOUR FOOT. You could be walking home after a busy day at work when a zombie appears and EATS YOUR NECK. This is a serious threat, people.

Take heed.

SRT #61

It's a bad idea to read a book about the zombie invasion at night in a home that is quite indefensible from said zombie invasion.

Perhaps I will take up running...

Must...Be...Physically Active...

While procrastinating today, I stumbled upon an article on msn.com with the headline: Why Every Woman Should Strength Train. I think there is something wrong with me, as my first thought was: In preparation for the zombies? I really do not have the stamina/strength to survive when the zombies come. It's going to be a problem.

ADDENDUM: Shit!

Who's On Your Team?

I just finished reading The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks. Half humor and half horror, it’s quite a good read, and I highly recommend it. While/after reading it, it got me thinking about who I would want with me in the event of a mass zombie infestation (or any other end of the world type scenario). Who do I know that would be useful in this situation?

Unfortunately, not too many people seem up for the task. I’ve been told that I would be good in an emergency simply because I generally have a knife and lighter with me at all times. So at least people would want me on their team. Also, I do have a tendency to try and figure out how everyday objects can be used as weapons.¹ So in case of zombie attack, pick me; I’m a good investment.

Who would I want on my team though? I’m going to stick with people in the tri-state area for the sake of convenience. My dad would be good for home base type operations. He’s low on mobility, but excellent at improvising in construction. Also, he can cook and do all of those outdoorsy type things that are helpful. I have a fake-me-out cousin who’s a doctor and in excellent shape. He’s totally in. Among my cousins, none are especially useful. I could probably take on one or two others, providing that all of us are able to stop acting like children in each others’ presence. However, they consist mostly of fatties and nerds who lack common sense/real world skills. Useful family members are lacking. Most are out, which is too bad, but shit happens.

Who else to recruit? I know a couple of sportsball type people and they could potentially be very useful. The thing about these dudes though is that they would most likely prove to have authority problems, which cannot exist when trying to survive the impending zombie invasion. They are second tier, providing they can demonstrate non-douchbag tendencies, in which case they will be bumped up to the top tier. Also, anyone I know that’s into guns/knows how to use guns has an automatic in.

In such an event, I will probably have to abandon my female friends.² I don’t need whining supply-whores who can’t fight and will most likely be unable to dispatch a zombie. Given whatever the situation may be, I might be able to bring a couple along. For example, if there is early warning and many of the obstacles that would impede a large group haven’t formed yet, I’d try to bring some along. Too bad that probably won’t be the case. It’s a shame.

In any case, I need to figure this out. I suggest you do the same.

¹ I get bored at class/work. Sue me.
² Sorry, guys.