Friday, January 06, 2006

SouthEast DC is not Finland

8th & C Street, SE

This is a shot of one of the streets by my job. It's kind of like a random haven of normalcy in the middle of SouthEast DC. But this isn't surprising, seeing as we are on Capitol Hill. Get yourself a couple blocks away, and you'll wish you had taken some negotiation classes in college.

Mugger: Gimme yo’ money! (pointing a gun in your face)
Helpless Fool: Uhhhh… the last mugger got my money. I don’t have anything.
M: Gimme yo’ cell phone!

HF: The first one got that.

M: What the fuck?! Gimme anythin’ you got on you!

HF: Oh man…I dunno. (rifling through pockets) I got some pocket lint…a sock, maybe? That other dude took my shoes…

Gun: Bang.

It’s strange though, the immediate area is quite nice, and there seem to be a large number of families living the area. You can’t go outside without seeing someone walking their dog (or their kid).

Speaking of kids, some lady left her kid outside in his stroller while she went into this cafĂ© to grab a snack/lunch. So my co-worker and I were quite confused at first, and we waited outside to make sure some random homeless dude didn’t steal the kid so as to sell his organs on the black market. And then the mother comes out with her (undoubtedly) pretentious cup of coffee, probably a ventidoubleshoticed lattemachiattowithwhippedcream (And you gotta say it in one breath. It loses all dignity if you need to take a break in the middle of ordering it.)

Us: Is this your kid?
Mother: Yes.
Us: Why are you leaving him alone outside?
And the bitch says: They do it all the time in Europe.
Us: We’re in SouthEast DC!

And she walks away with a confused look on her face. We had no real follow-up to our SouthEast comment, seeing as that’s really explanation enough. In the murder capitol, this is the most crime ridden quadrant. All other directions are safer than southeast. Our only thought is (and we confirmed this immediately after she walked away): Bitch is crazy. No exclamation point. You don’t need one when stating fact. It was as obvious as saying, “We need oxygen to live.” I hope that kid grows up smarter than his mother.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you were with your coworker? making friends now? haha sike. but yo...have you seen that movie jay and silent bob strike back. in the beginning some lady leaves her kids outside while she goes into the store and she gets chastized because of it. the kids turn out to grow up to be jay and silent bob and they're all fucked up and stupid lol. so its possible that your hope for intelligence for this child is fleeting ha.