Monday, September 18, 2006

The Bullseye is Red

Dear Colleagues: Each of you will be receiving a Red Cross kit to be kept in your office in case of emergencies. The bag contains supplies that may be used in the event of an evacuation or if we are forced to "shelter in place." [You don't need to know where I work] will have supplemental supplies (food bars and water) available in the storage room. Please feel to add your own supplies/clothes and/or any medical supplies/prescriptions you may need in the event of an emergency. Thank you.

Is that not a scary e-mail to receive on a Monday morning? I think it is. This is probably the number one reason why it sucks to be in DC: the terrorists are coming for my ass. They're not shooting for the xenophobic hicks of Alabama, they're aiming for my ass. I just don't think the good citizens of Topeka, Kansas are in nearly as much danger. The irony is, I think that the people¹ of DC are of the more anti-war stance, while the Topekans would love to take over Iran.² If this is the case, why can't they just bomb the red states? The blue ones just want out.

Washington, DC has the lowest percentage of military recruits in the country. Doesn't it mean something that the home of the governent barely supports the current government's decisions? The part of the country that is most saturated by politics is disgusted with its current state. However, everyone else that's not in imminent danger is running around just asking for us to get bitch slapped by the rest of the world. This does not bode well for my safety.

In case of a terrorist attack, the Red Cross has provided me with Band-Aids and Aspirin.³ I'm really going to have to start carrying my knife again.

¹ Remember: politicians don't count as people. Not in the strictest sense of the word.

² At least when compared with each other. I have no desire to read up on the latest poll results right now. Also, for all I know, Topeka is a liberal enclave in the middle of a very red state. It just happened to be the first city I thought of in the midwest.

³ Well, I haven't received the kit yet, but I'm sure that's pretty much what's going to be in it.

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