People tend to forget that I am a girl. I don't take it personally, as I tend to forget as well. I don't mean that I think I'm a dude for a moment in time, but when God was handing out personality traits, I was late for the girliness hand-outs while stocking up on sarcasm. In the last couple of weeks, the girliness that I do possess has been coming out in full force in the form of fear of being fat.¹
There are a couple of reasons I turned out less girly than average. I could blame it on having only a brother and no sisters, but there are plenty of other people with brothers that are super prissy little things. Maybe it was just being around more boys than girls in my family while growing up. When I think about my early childhood, I have more memories of my grandfather, dad, and uncle than of my mother and aunts. Of my older cousins, the boys usually paid more attention to me, as the girls were off being too cool for the family. They eventually got over it, but the damage was done.
Whenever I was around girly things my own age, I remember being confused at boring and/or impractical behavior. Why would I spend hours dressing up a Barbie only to redress her in something else when I could be beating my brother with a bamboo sword? Why pretend to cook fake Play-Doh food when I could play street hockey and hit people? Some things just never made any sense to me. They still don't. Well, intellectually, these things make sense now, but I just don't see what's any fun about running a fake household. In any case, for however many reasons, I am not girly.
The reason for this "when I was a kid" introduction is to give a little insight into something about me: I hate girls. I don't hate them all, but girls fucking annoy the hell out of me.² For the most part, only girls will pretend to make nice and then call you a whore behind your back. I'm not saying that guys can't be two-faced either, but girls have a stronger track record in this event. In the same vein, I'm not against being polite to someone I dislike, but I won't act like we're super best friends. If you know that I don't like you, and I know that you don't like me, don't act like everything is just peachy. I'm not saying that I want to start shit where no shit needs to be started, but I'm not a fan of the obvious lies. It is quite possible to have mutual dislike without a shit storm starting. Of course, if I'm attacked, I'll retaliate in due course. I'm not gonna roll over and take it like a puppy.
Over the years, I have picked up a couple of the girly traits I missed as a child. I really am quite good at the passive aggressive game when applicable, and I won't deny being a bit of a stereotypical Asian girl³ on occasion.
But I fucking hate girls.
¹ That's a lot of "f" sounds in one sentence. Try saying that 2,847 times fast.
² And that's a lot of hell.
³ To be called "a fucking typ" from here on out.