Wednesday, August 23, 2006

And I Just Can't Hide It

Do you ever feel like the older you get, the less excited you get over anything and everything? I remember when I was a child, I would get excited over the typical things: summer vacation, Christmas, birthdays, etc. While I wouldn't get as agitated as my peers, I did look forward to these events. Instead of having a completely straight face, I would occasionally have a bit of an upturn at the corners of my mouth. It was a mere whisper of a smile, but it was still there.

For example, when I was a junior in high school, I went island hopping amongst the Greek Islands. I was super-excited. On the inside. On the outside, I was the picture of nonchalance. A friend of mine was perplexed with my seeming lack of excitement about this trip a few days beforehand. The point is, even though I rarely demonstrate excitement, I do feel it. And I really did feel it for that trip. And for birthdays. And for vacations. And for all those things people usually get excited about.

In the last couple of years, however, I haven't had anything to look forward to. My birthday came and went, and while I did celebrate it, I didn't really care. Christmas: not a big deal to me. I'm sorry, but I just can't bring myself to care. The closest I get to excitement is vaguely looking forward to something, but even then, it comes and goes. I look forward to certain things, like parties, but in all honesty, I could take it or leave it. Shit just doesn't seem to matter to me as much anymore. It kinda makes me sad.

Right now, however, I think I've recaptured that feeling of excitement/anticipation you get when you're really looking forward to something. I'm not gonna say why right now, as it will get around soon enough.

So now you're wondering: if I want to keep the reason for the excitement on the downlow, why even write about it? The fact that I'm truly excited about anything is news enough for me. I didn't get excited over going to college, graduation from said collage, the first job, the second job, getting my driver's license, and all other such events. (Not in this order.) But I am undoubtedly excited about this.

I'm so excited.

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