Miami: Part I

So I went to Miami this past weekend for a bachelorette party. I’m still not sure about whether I had a good time or not, as I’m still weighing all of the events and dramatics that occurred. I figure if I write it all down, it’d be an easier decision, so I’ll get to it. But before I do, this is going to spread over a couple entries, as the details do matter. At least they do in my head.

PRE-TRIP ANNOYANCES

As we are in the DC area, we needed to fly down to Miami. So there goes $250. We’ll need a hotel, so there goes another $80 (we had three people in each room for two nights). Already, I’m dropping close to $400 for a trip that’s going to last less than two days. Yes, you read that correctly: two days. Arrive on Friday afternoon and leave on Sunday morning. Given this situation, we gave the Bride-to-Be (aka. BTB) a choice: we could go to Miami and she would need to pay for her own airfare and hotel or we could do something closer and we would pay for everything. This would include excursions to New York City, Atlantic City, or even a nice bed and breakfast thing in one of the Carolinas. She chose Miami with the understanding that we were not in a position to cover all of her expenses.

At this point, it’s time to note that there are two separate groups of friends involved in this trip. My group includes me and two friends in Virginia (let’s call them Jill and Jane). We’ve all been friends since high school, and I’ve been friends with BTB since first grade. When I say “we” or “our,” it’s me and these two that I’m referring to. The other group consists of two other girls in Maryland. One is the Maid-of-Honor (MOH) and the other is the sister-in-law of BTB. Wait a minute! How does the BTB have a sister-in-law? That doesn’t make any sense! Let me explain: She’s already married. They’ve been legally married for a while now, and this is all in preparation for the church wedding. Oh, and she’s (re)marrying her baby daddy. As you can see, the normal timeline is a little off here. Since the sister-in-law (aka. the Nazi) and the MOH also have kids, these three will now be known as the Moms.

So Jill and Jane have been doing all of the legwork in finding good airfare rates and hotel prices. They’ve been doing the research as to what areas to stick to and what the general gameplan will be. So everything gets booked because of them. Two weeks before the trip, the Nazi sends us all an e-mail which essentially volunteers us to pay for everything that BTB would pay for: airfare, hotel, meals, drinks, everything in life. Now, we were all going to pay for her drinks and meals anyway, but the e-mail was quite annoying. Among other things, it made it seem like she did everything for this trip. We respond saying that we’d like to, but none of us are in a position to pay for that much stuff. She responds saying that we should, that it’s BTB’s time, and that she’s trying to do this even though she has to support her son.

Our reaction: So why don’t you fucking pay for your fucking son?! We wanted a cheaper trip, you’ve convinced the BTB to go with this super-expensive one instead, and you want us to pay even more. (Sidenote: The Nazi has been slowly taking over the BTB’s mind.) We didn’t actually tell her this, instead, we very calmly let her know that it couldn’t be done.

MOH’s contribution: Why don’t we fill BTB’s hotel room with purple flowers?

Our reaction: Are you stupid? Do you have any idea how much a room full of purple flowers will cost? You want to do this when we’re only going to be there for two days? Where are you going to get this money when you have two kids with a super-worthless baby daddy?¹ Again, we didn’t actually ask her these questions. We just ignored this tidbit and pretended we didn’t notice it.

So we’re already annoyed with the Nazi weeks before the trip. There are a number of other infractions, but I can only type about so much annoyance at once. At this point, we just decide to suck it up, do our best to have fun, and try to not let the Nazi get to us.

¹ He has two kids and just decided to go to college. Normally, I’d applaud this. However, this is why I’m not: He’s attending a school which many people in our neighborhood commute to from home. Instead, he’s dorming and knocking up unsuspecting freshmen with his super-potent Maryland sperm. (I think it’s something in the water that does it.)