Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Miami: Part III

Now for the exciting conclusion of the Miami weekend! Actually, not so exciting, but it's what happened. I'm sure I could have made this a funnier read somehow, but I think that can only be achieved through vocal inflections and whatnot, so you’ll just have to imagine them.


Even though we didn’t get to sleep until around 5:00 AM, our room wakes up around 10:00. We only have one full day in Miami, and we’re not about to waste it in bed. When we wake up, we call the other room to see if they’re awake. No one answers, so we leave a message saying what we’re doing. Once we’re ready to head out around 11:00, we call again with no answers. However, right outside the hotel, we find the BTB finishing up a cigarette, and she tells us that they just woke up a little while ago and they’re watching the Disney Channel. The Disney Channel! Are you serious?!

After learning this information, we head out to Nikki Beach. Jack drove us there, dropped us off, then went home, so it’s just me, Jane, and Jill. It’s a really nice place, but it’s too bad that they’re big party night is on Sundays, so we miss out on that. The lunch is pretty good, and we chill out with Coronas and Sangria. During lunch, we text the Moms again to see what’s up. No answer. So we text again actually asking for an answer, which we do receive this time. They’re eating lunch at some other place which is fine with us. So now the plan is for them to meet us at Nikki Beach for drinks (Mojitos by the pitcher) and then head to the beach. An hour and a half later, we find out where they are: still eating lunch, and they’re going to drop off their leftovers at the hotel. Are you serious?! Still with the leftovers?!

At this point, we just head to the beach and I get in a quick nap. An hour later, around 3:00, they show up, which is fine by us, except that we’re hot and the inner darkness is starting to show on our skin. Now, I’m perfectly happy to have a nice tan. In fact, I welcome it with open arms, but I don’t need to change races or look like a leather baseball mitt some poor kid left outside in the sun for the entire summer. So we stick around for another hour. At 4:00 we tell them that we’re going to head back to the hotel and shower and handle all of that. We ask what they want to do for dinner, here is their answer: We might just eat leftovers. Are you serious?! Leftovers!? They also note that they’re probably going to take naps when they get back to the hotel. Fine with us, we find out what we need to know, and we head back.

After another series of phone calls, we get a timeline. Apparently, they’ve decided not to eat their leftovers and want a new dinner that night. We make plans to meet up with Jack for drinks around 6:30 so that we can get to dinner around 8:00. Strangely enough, he’s early, so we hurry up a bit and get out around 6:15. Now, we told the Moms exactly what we were going to do: go back to the hotel, shower, change, meet up with Jack for drinks at 6:30, then have dinner at 8:00. Jack would be gone after drinks, and had no effect on our plans. Really, even if we weren’t meeting up with him, we weren’t about to sit in the hotel room waiting for them to get ready. We would have gone somewhere anyways.

So we’re walking towards dinner with Jack (he’s going to leave once we get there), and we’re a block behind the Moms. Normally, we’re probably be about even with them, but I was wearing my crazy heels, and my feet hurt retroactively from the previous night, when I also wore madness, so I was not the quickest walker in life. (This will be discussed at a later date.) We finally get to the restaurant, and for unforseen circumstances, we can’t eat there. So we start to walk towards Sushi Samba. On the way, we pass this place called Santo. The Nazi looks at the menu, which is posted outside, and decides to eat there. The entrees cost $30-45 and the appetizers are in the $10-15 range. Given that this is pretty pricey, Jane suggests that we walk the one extra block to Sushi Samba, which isn’t a cheap place, but is more reasonable that this. The Nazi insists on this place, declares that she’s hungry and is acting like a two year old. Fine.

We get a table and try to decide what to order. The three of us (me, Jane, and Jill) get the filet mignon, since we figure we might as well get something good. The Nazi and MOH only order appetizers, saying that everything is too expensive. At this point I’d like to remind everyone of the fact that the Nazi wanted us to pay for all of the BTB’s expenses, yet she did want to spend the money for an entrĂ©e. As an additional note, you will remember that she insisted that we eat at this place even after looking at the menu and all of the prices. Clearly, she’s not the brightest crayon in the box. Her appetizer consists of one cigar-sized eggroll, and the MOH has five good sized dumplings. They looked so hungry I wanted to laugh. My steak is delicious. I could barely finish it I was so full. I even had some leftover, but please note that I didn't take it back to the hotel.

We finished dinner around 10:00, and we had plans to head out to Mansion, which, apparently, is the place to be. Here’s the deal with Mansion: to get a table, you’ll need to buy a $100 bottle or pay a cover of $15. The Nazi is insistent on us getting a table, so that would be $20 for each of us (minus the BTB) to get the table. That’s not bad, especially since we originally thought we’d have to buy the $280 bottle. Also, the tables don’t come into effect until midnight, so we have a good hour and a half to two hours to wait for that. When we get to Mansion, the line is pretty short, so Jane suggests that we just wait in the line and see what happens first: midnight for the table, or getting in through the line.

Unfortunately, the Hustler store is right across the street, and the Nazi insists that we go in. So we do and have a good laugh at some of the stuff. While this is happening though, the line decides to grow. Very quickly. So Jill and Jane cross the street to grab a spot in line. In the meantime, I stick around the Hustler store to help hurry things along. Now, I’m no prude, but it’s kind of gross for me to be hearing about mothers’ sex lives.¹ Eventually, they get through the full tour, make a couple of purchases, and we’re out of there. After some confusion, the Nazi manages to get us in for free.²

Mansion goes pretty well. Again, we bought rounds for everyone, but the Nazi only bought rounds for the Moms. At this point we just ignore it and move on with the night. After Mansion, we go to a place rumored to have male strippers, but that doesn’t come through, and we head back to the hotel. That’s pretty much the end of Saturday.

¹ Especially when I’ve known one of them since I was six. You know how when you know someone for such a long time, they’re always at a certain age for you, no matter what happens? Well, she’s about sixteen in my head. So I’m kind of grossed out.

² Even though she’s annoying/stupid, I give her props for this. She’s quite good to have around for things you need to get done immediately. For example, the previous night, she managed to finagle a free bottle of champagne from the bartender.


The following section deals with both Friday and Saturday, but it would be too confusing to deal with this at the same time as everything else. The separation of the two groups was blamed on Jack. The accusation occurred while the BTB and I were a bit behind everyone else while walking towards Sushi Samba. Apparently, the Nazi felt like Jack was the only reason for everything. Because of this, she was also placing blame on Jill, moreso than on Jane or me. I was told about this right after we ordered at Santo, when Jill said she wanted to go outside for some air for a moment. She was quite ready to throw down some cash and go back to the hotel. After some reasoning and dealing with crying (so not my scene), I got her to come back into the restaurant.

Here’s the thing: Jack had no effect on any plans that we had. He didn’t make us late for anything. We weren’t forced to change anything because he didn’t like a place or he couldn’t get in. Everywhere we went (when he was around) he just followed us around. Basically, Jack and Jill are being blamed for the bumpiness of the trip simply because a boy is present for part of the time.

On the other hand, when the Nazi visited her aunt, it made her pretty late and we were forced to adjust all of our plans in waiting for her. This period (three hours) of waiting also influenced our decision to just get ready whenever we woke up and then meet up with the Moms later at the beach. We weren’t about to sit in the hotel waiting for another three hours while they watched the Disney channel.


I’ll say that I did have fun in Miami. When tension was being ignored it was quite the good time. Also, it was especially fun at Nikki Beach. Is it bad that the most fun was had when none of the Moms were present? (I don’t really care.) Was it worth the hundreds of dollars? I’m going to have to say no. If I spend $700 on a weekend, I expect everything to go well, or at least better than this. Now, if this was just the first two days of a longer trip, I’m sure things would have worked out much better.³

Here’s what I’ve learned:

  • Mixing groups of friends is hard. But if you’re going to attempt it, be the bridge. The BTB didn’t do anything to keep everyone together, so it was natural for the groups to split.
  • Keep the lateness to a minimum. A few minutes is fine, three hours is obscene.
  • Heels are ridiculous.

³ Also, saving (certain) leftovers would make sense on a longer trip.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

C., this three part series has been absolutely hilarious! I've nearly spit water all over my monitor at least once per "chapter". You’re really an excellent writer, I have been getting a huge kick out of the sarcasm. Perhaps you could put up a post for super random Tuesday? I enjoy random and that + sarcasm, has got to be good...