Monday, August 07, 2006

Orange is Not the New Tan

When did this become attractive? That shit is gross! Last I checked, orange was not a naturally occurring skin color. I know that people want to be eye-catching to a certain extent, but this is not the way to go about it. Car accidents are also eye-catching, but those are never good things. And like car accidents, it’s hard to tear my eyes away from the horrifying scene.

Clearly, the sun is not responsible for this “tan.” It’s not even right to call it a tan, so I’ll start again.

Clearly, the sun is not responsible for this “orange.” Really, only fruit should be anywhere close to this shade. It amuses me because some unknown spector of the universe has enacted some sort of revenge on her. Since she’s too good for a natural looking tan gained from appropriate amounts of exposure to the sun, she is now the actual color of the sun:

CRAZY LADY: I don’t have time to get a real tan, I want a more concentrated form of skin cancer. Bring on the tanning bed!
SUN: Don’t have time for ME!? We’ll see where that gets you:

CRAZY LADY: At least I’m not pasty anymore.

Remember, there are really only five basic colors of people: black, white, red, yellow, brown. No where is orange on that list. Stop defying nature. It’s not cute.

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